


and breathe me

by doujinbag



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Hospitals, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Marriage, Terminal Illnesses, cystic fibrosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 10:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3407879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/doujinbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Cystic fibrosis?" Levi's mother says. "Where'd you hear of that at?"</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>"Well, I made a new friend today, and he says he has it."</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>"What's your friend's name?"</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>"Eren." Levi smiles.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	and breathe me

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my best friend Serenity, who fights this awful fucking disease every day of her life. You go, Serenity. Beat cystic fibrosis's ass into the ground.
> 
> I tried to explain the disease as best as I could in the story for those of you who are unfamiliar with it.<3 took me four hours to write this, I hope it's somewhat good.

Levi is nine years old when he first meets Eren. Eren's a few inches taller than him (who isn't?) and has eyes that remind him of the ocean he visited with his family before. Eren's loud and quite opinionated for a nine year old, always causing fights with Jean over trivial things.

Levi wants to be Eren's friend.

He doesn't know how to talk to the loud boy the first two weeks of fourth grade, but finally, he manages to figure something out. As he walks past Eren's group table, he purposely trips and drops his books everywhere.

"Oh, no!" Eren exclaims loudly. He jumps from his chair and begins scooping up Levi's things for him. "Are you okay, Levi?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," the darker haired boy assures him. "You know my name?"

"Of course I know your name, Ms. Brzenska calls on you _all_ the time." Eren coughs loudly into his arm as he moves back into his little plastic desk chair. "Hey, do you wanna sit with me at lunch today? Mikasa and Armin sit next to me but you can sit across from me, that'd be okay."

Levi smiles. This is exactly what he wanted to hear. He nods and quickly returns to his seat before Ms. Brzenska can yell at him for being out of it so long.

At lunch, Levi carries his styrofoam tray over to Eren's table, where the brunet is sitting right between a small blonde boy reading a book and a pale girl with a red scarf who must be in Ms. Ral's class because Levi's never seen her before.

"Hi, Levi!" Eren greets. "You know Armin, he's in our class. And this is Mikasa. She likes to pretend she's my mom." Mikasa gives Eren a very light slap on the arm, making him giggle.

Levi eats slowly, too busy watching Eren to fully submerge himself in the action of bringing food to his mouth. He tilts his head to the side as Eren gets a large bottle out of his pencil pouch, twists the cap off, shakes out three pretty big pills from it, and downs them with his chocolate milk. He puts the bottle away and finally begins eating his own food.

"What are those?" Levi asks out of curiosity. "My uncle takes some medicine pills when he has a headache, but they're sorta different than those."

"Oh, they help me eat," Eren says. "Gotta take 'em before every meal or else I get really sick."

"Why?"

"Because I have cystic fibrosis."

Levi raises an eyebrow. He's never heard of that before; it almost feels like the term is too big for a fourth grader's mouth. He doesn't question Eren any further, simply leaving the topic be as Eren shifts it over to talking about some episode of a cartoon he watched that morning before school. A girl named Sasha from Mikasa's class tries to steal Levi's fries, and he doesn't really bother putting up a fight. He doesn't like the school's fries anyways.

The first thing Levi says to his mom after getting off the school bus that day is, "Mama, what's cys- cystic fi... fib..."

"Cystic fibrosis?" Levi's mother begins making him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as she speaks. "Where'd you hear of that at?"

"Well, I made a new friend today, and he says he has it. He ate medicine before lunch because he says he has to. And I don't know what it means." Levi pulls out his homework sheet and sets it on the table as his mother places the sandwich next to him.

"Well, Levi," she says quietly, "it's a disease. It can make people very sick and cough a lot and they need to take lots of medicine. I used to have a friend who had it, you know."

"What happened to your friend?" Levi asks after swallowing a peanut butter-filled bite of his sandwich.

Levi's mother gives him a solemn look as she places her hand on his shoulder. "We don't talk anymore," she lies halfheartedly. She sits down across from him at the table and asks, "What's your friend's name?"

"Eren." Levi smiles and finishes his spelling homework, moving onto multiplication tables. "He's funny."

"That's a nice name," she says before staying quiet on the subject, merely watching as her son scratches out numbers on the paper with ease.

 

Eren and Levi become close friends over the rest of elementary school and all into middle school. Before meeting Levi, Eren considered Mikasa and Armin to be his very best friends and didn't believe anyone else could take that title. Now, it's rare that he doesn't hang out with Levi.

They're in seventh grade now, and both of them will be turning thirteen this school year. Levi has complete understanding of cystic fibrosis- even the _regretfully_ short life expectancy- and is quick to educate anyone on the matter if they don't know what it is. All Eren's medical routines have become like a part of Levi's everyday life. Over the past three years, Eren's been in the hospital countless times for a million different things, but Levi's always sure to visit him as much as humanly possible. Sometimes they'll sit and talk about the new drama at school, or other times, if Eren's hurting too much to talk, they'll simply sit in peaceful silence and watch TV together. Levi doesn't care either way; as long as he's with Eren, he's happy.

Levi's spending the night at Eren's house one night when he sees it get really bad. Of course, he's witnessed Eren have a million god-awful coughing fits before, but this is the worst. Levi's almost asleep when Eren suddenly starts coughing his head off next to him. Levi almost puts his head under the pillow on reflex, but sits up instead, putting his hand on Eren's arm.

"Eren, wake up," he says, shaking him awake. Even with his eyes open, Eren can't stop coughing. Levi's quick to grab the small trash can next to Eren's bed and shoves it in front of him as Eren starts throwing up into it, his body shaken up far too much.

Eren's mom soon runs into his room and rubs his back as her son throws up in between unbearable hacks. She gives Levi a certain look with her eyes and he knows what it means. He uses their house phone to call his own mother to pick him up, trying to drown out the sound of Eren's unbearable coughing in the next room.

Levi's mother picks him up before he can say goodbye.

Carla calls Levi two days from then to let him know that Eren is back in the hospital, but he'll be out in a month. It's sad to realize that month-long hospital stays are the _norm_ for Eren. _Eren merely had a superfluous buildup of mucus in his lungs, he got his lungs cleaned this morning, he's fine, he's fine..._

Levi wishes cystic fibrosis never fucking existed.

As cheesy as it sounds, Levi wants to do _something._ He goes to the nearest craft store and buys materials for bracelet making, planning on selling bracelets to get money for the cystic fibrosis research foundation. It is _something,_ right?

Carla's smile is unremovable when Levi comes over to their house a few months later, holding out a large plastic container filled with cash and coins adding up to sixty-five dollars. "Please give this to the... that foundation thing," he says. "I can't stay but please tell Eren I said hi." He runs off much faster than he came, one of his own bracelets tightly clasped around his wrist. He'll give Eren his special bracelet the next day at school.

Or maybe not.

The whole day, Levi is completely anxious about giving Eren the bracelet. Especially since he tied a note to it filled with confession after confession of how Levi really feels.

Levi _loves_ Eren.

In last period, Levi doesn't so much as look at Eren across Ms. Zoë's biology class. His cheeks are burning red and he keeps his eyes firmly glued down at the pop quiz- which Eren is exempted from due to not being there when the material was taught.

Once Levi finishes the quiz, he stands up and places the paper on Ms. Zoë's desk, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eren waving at him and trying to get his attention. Hurriedly, Levi slams the bracelet and note down on Eren's desk and runs off to put his head down on his own desk. _Eren doesn't even know that Levi's gay until now._

When the bell rings, Levi runs out of the class and to his locker faster than the speed of light. As he shovels his books into his bag in a rush, he hears a familiar cough come from right next to him. Mikasa's locker is next to Levi's, so Eren often stands there to talk to both of them at the same time, but Mikasa isn't here today so they're alone. Levi feels his face burn up and he doesn't look up at Eren at all. Eren shakes his wrist out in front of Levi's face and Levi suddenly sees that he's wearing the bracelet.

"Thank you so much for the bracelet," Eren finally says. "I love it." He waits before kissing Levi's cheek and running off.

Eren doesn't see yet that their bracelets are perfectly matching, two halves of the same heart that can fit together beautifully.

 

Senior year of high school is supposed to be the easiest. Well, whoever made up that pitiful lie is a fucking idiot, Levi thinks. Senior year is by far the most stressful year of his high school career. He's already getting into the college he wants- Eren doesn't want to go to any college- and his testing is over with for the most part, but his worry for Eren is worse than ever before.

Ever since that fateful day in middle school, they've been dating. Their first kiss was wonderful, under the willow trees right outside the hospital during one of Eren's eighth grade hospital stays. Not once have they ever lost their love for each other, but yet, the universe is throwing obstacles at them in a much worse form: Eren's lungs are deteriorating much more than they have in the past. He's on the waiting list for a lung transplant, but _god_ , the list is so fucking long it seems like the day he gets new lungs will never come.

Graduation tests come and go quicker than Levi can fill out a Scantron sheet. Before he knows it, they're in their cap and gown, and he doesn't think he's ever felt more happy. His shitty public school career is over.

He's sure to kiss Eren quickly before they need to line up in alphabetical order to receive their diplomas. Mikasa stands right behind Levi, her fingernails digging into her palm.

"What's wrong?" Levi asks her quietly.

"Eren's not going to college," she whispers back.

"Yeah, so?"

 _"So,_ I'm worried about him because of it. Shh, they're gonna call your name soon."

After Levi and Mikasa both get their diplomas, pretty pieces of paper tied with ribbon that say, _hey, you fucking made it through twelve years of hell without completely failing,_ they resume their conversation.

"You do know he'd most likely struggle more with college, right?" Levi says. "I know education is good, but maybe it's for the best?" Mikasa just sighs and doesn't say anything more about it. _Oh, the motherly instincts._

Once Eren gets off the stage with his diploma, he runs over to Levi and sits on his lap instead of getting a new chair for himself. "High school is over!" he exclaims after a short cough. "It's over, it's over!"

Levi wraps his arms around Eren and buries his face in the crook of his neck until the ceremony is over.

That night, they both lose their virginity. Staying away from sex all through high school wasn't even something they'd talked about, but they both knew Levi was always just extremely worried about hurting Eren. Now that they're free from the titles of "high school students," they finally share Levi's bed together in all the right ways.

He's gentle and makes sure Eren has plenty of room to breathe. Eren coughs once or twice, but nothing bad at all. They fall asleep with their limbs intertwined after making sure Eren's oxygen mask he wears whenever he sleeps is secured safely on his face.

 

The week before Levi goes off to Rose University, Eren's admitted into the hospital again. He has another surgery on his lungs to clean them out, but the doctors know that his lungs are almost done for. The disease is eating away at them too fast and he needs his transplant as soon as possible. Levi doesn't want to leave Eren behind, even if the university is only an hour and a half away. He wants to stay by his side at all times, to hold his hand through it all.

Eren's smile never fades, though. He doesn't give up on fighting this disease. He's sitting on his hospital bed taking his daily treatments- a vest he's been using for god knows how long that vibrates to help shake up the buildup in his lungs, and a ventilator he inhales vaporized saline from- when Levi begins kissing his neck playfully, doing anything he can to assure Eren's happy and comfortable. Eren's laugh echoes throughout the room along with a vibration-interrupted cry of "Le-e-evi-i-i, tha-at tick-l-l-les."

When Eren's treatments are finished up, he holds onto Levi tightly, playing with his fingers. "I wish you weren't staying in a dorm room," he admits, sighing. "If you still stayed in Maria I'd see you more often."

"I know," Levi frowns. "I'm sorry, Eren. But you know, the hospital is almost exactly halfway between Maria and Rose. Whenever you're in here, I'll be right by your side, and on weekends and days when I don't have class, I'll be home with you." He kisses the teal-eyed boy's lips gently and hugs him close. "I just hope I don't have a messy roommate." Eren laughs at that.

 

The first weekend away from Rose, Levi drives himself to the hospital and gets into Eren's room faster than possible. Eren's more than ecstatic to see him, flinging his arms around him excitedly. Levi tells Eren everything about his first week at college. Eren's eyes light up with wonder as Levi tells him about his classes and a certain professor who already pisses him off more than anything. Eren especially laughs his head off when Levi tells him about his roommate.

"...and then he just came up to me and literally _sniffed my hair._ Who the fuck does that? Like literally, who?!"

Eren's crying from laughing so hard, gripping onto Levi's shirt and burying his happy tear-stained face in his shoulder. "I love you," he finally says. "There's... something I should tell you, too."

Levi looks at Eren sincerely and brushes his hair out of his eyes. "What is it?" he asks.

"The doctors, uh... well, they said there's been some changes in the transplant waiting list." Eren scratches his neck before coughing loudly off to the side. "...I'm at the top of the list."

"Oh my god! Really?" Levi smiles and hugs Eren tightly. "That's amazing! When are you getting it?"

"Two Mondays from now. I can't have visitors all day then, but a couple days afterward, I think I can." Eren smiles and kisses Levi's cheek. "I've been waiting on this my whole life. This can change everything, Levi! Hell, I might get five to ten more years on my life expectancy!"

Levi almost winces at the mention of the life expectancy, but he's still absolutely joyous. "I'm so glad to hear that, Eren," he whispers. "I'm so fucking glad."

 

Eren's transplant surgery goes successfully, and the minute he's able to have visitors, Levi skips class and rushes to go see him. It's the class with the shitty professor anyways; he's sure his new friend Erwin will take shitty notes for him about the shitty lecture.

Eren's smiling just as much as ever when Levi walks in. He looks weak, but after getting two vital organs ripped from your body and having them completely replaced, you would think that yeah, you'd be pretty weak too.

"How are the lungs?" Levi asks as he enters the hospital room, a large bouquet of flowers in his arms.

"Fantastic," Eren says, his voice only a little scratchy. "My body loves 'em." He pats his chest gently, being careful of his brand new surgery scars. "How the hell did you get that bouquet in here?"

"One of the nurses helped me," he says. "Krista, I think. Blonde, even shorter than me somehow?"

"Yep, that's Krista," Eren confirms. "She's a sweetheart. One of my favorite nurses here." He smiles at the flowers as Levi sets them in a red vase on the table by his hospital bed. "They're gorgeous," he compliments. "Thank you so much."

"Of course," Levi says, kissing Eren's forehead. "I'm glad you like them." He holds Eren's hand gently, the one free of the pulse monitor. He watches the red line jump across the heart monitor and is thankful for every little spike he sees. Eren's perfectly, wonderfully well.

"Oh," Eren says at last, "so how's Mike?"

"Don't even get me started," Levi cackles.

 

Levi gets his Bachelors in English, and once he leaves college, he begins job hunting. By now, he has a cozy little apartment in Maria again, and Eren spends most if not _all_ of the time he can there. Levi eventually finds a job as a high school English teacher and starts right away.

Life is good. While the cystic fibrosis has started taking over Eren's new lungs, they're still _much_ better than his old ones. His hospital visits are reduced from every month to every other month at the most. Levi and Eren couldn't be happier.

Eren's lounging out on Levi's couch one day when Levi comes home late from work. Normally he makes it home around three-thirty or four, but it's nearly five and needless to say, Eren's worried sick.

"Where have you been?" he exclaims, jumping up and running over to Levi immediately. He throws his arms around him and closes his eyes tightly.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I was out buying something and it took way longer than expected." Levi kisses Eren's cheek and holds him close. "I should have called, but the lady at the desk wouldn't shut up. I'm so sorry that I worried you."

"It's okay. You're here now, that's what matters." Eren smiles and kisses Levi's lips quite sweetly. "What did you buy?"

"Mmm, nothing. Don't worry about it." Levi drapes an arm around Eren's waist and keeps it there the whole time that they make dinner.

After eating that night, Eren's getting his treatments as he watches the TV with the volume turned up loud so he can hear it over the vibrations of the vest. Levi sits next to him, stroking his fingers softly before saying, "I have something to ask you."

"What?"

"I said, I have something to ask you."

Eren mutes the TV so he can hear Levi better, although the vest is pretty loud. "Okay, shoot."

"We've known each other for the past fourteen years, Eren. You've been my best friend for thirteen and my beautiful, beautiful boyfriend for eleven. God, Eren. We're not just high school sweethearts, we're fucking _middle school_ sweethearts." Eren blushes at Levi's words but lets him continue. "I've never loved anyone else, Eren. I don't want to and I can't see it in my future. All I see is a future full of you. So, please." Levi pulls a small black box from his pocket and flicks it open, revealing a small ring with tiny diamonds embedded all around it. "Tell me if you'll marry me."

Eren clasps his hands over his mouth in disbelief and nearly starts sobbing right then and there. "Yes," he chokes out. His vest automatically shuts off thanks to the timer on the machine it's hooked up to, leaving the room dead silent. "God, yes."

 

They get married in May. Nearly everyone they know comes, even friends they haven't seen since elementary school or Levi's weird old roommate with a sniffing fetish. Some of his students even attend the wedding. The whole ceremony, Levi plays with his bracelet under his tux sleeve- the same bracelet he made to match Eren's so long ago. Surprisingly enough, Eren manages to keep himself composed as they exchange vows- it's _Levi_ who cries as he says "I do." They slide the rings onto each other's fingers, and suddenly, Eren sees the bracelet.

"You wore yours too?" he asks. He shifts around his sleeve and shows Levi his bracelet secured tightly around his wrist. Levi's tears just fall more at that and he doesn't know if he's ever kissed Eren more passionately than he is right now. Somewhere among their little audience, Jean whistles loudly. Eren laughs against Levi's lips and pulls away, wrapping his arm tightly around Levi's waist. They walk off the altar together and Eren can't stop giggling as they run down the aisle hand-in-hand.

The reception party just brings more tears. Both Mrs. Jaeger and Mrs. Ackerman weep as they embrace their newlywed sons before finally holding onto each other to let the two go have their cake. Levi makes sure Eren downs his enzymes safely _("Yes, love, they're right in my pocket, please calm down")_ before spooning a piece of the cake into his mouth. However, he's surprised when Eren smears icing all over his mouth, creating a giant mess on his face. Eren bursts into laughter and Levi gives him an empty threat about killing him when they get home. Eren wipes it off for him with a napkin (not to mention his lips as well) and they finish their cake happily before going over to the dance floor to have their first dance as a married couple.

They hold onto each other tightly as the music begins playing, and Eren almost cries himself when he realizes the song is a slower rendition of "Wonderwall". Levi knows it's been his favorite song for years, the sneaky bastard.

 _"You're my wonderwall,"_ Levi sings quietly into Eren's ear, his head resting on his shoulder. Eren bites his quivering lip and holds onto Levi tighter.

 

Married life is more than blissful. Levi can't believe he can finally call Eren his fucking _husband._ It's almost surreal, that feeling. He doesn't know how to explain his happiness in words.

Simultaneously, he also doesn't know how to explain his crushing sadness at being told the results of Eren's most recent lung function tests. His oxygen levels are low again, and not only has the disease found a way to destroy his new lungs _faster_ than before, but they've found something in his gradually swelling lungs.

Something that can be considered cancerous.

Eren stays in his hospital room hooked up to a million different wires and tubes at once as Levi goes out, saying he's getting him more flowers.

Levi just sits in his car and screams into the dark parking garage.

Eren's life expectancy has dropped back to thirty again. Eren's twenty-four, _that's six fucking years,_ and Levi can't handle it. It's all being thrown at him at once and he can't fucking _handle_ it.

He walks back into the hospital room at last and tells Eren the store ran out of flowers.

 

They're able to remove the cancerous mass from Eren's lungs, however, not only do they have to also take out a lot of his lung tissue, but his lungs are also more than half made up of complete scar tissue now.

They're able to get Eren back to eating by mouth instead of through his feeding tube once again and in a matter of weeks, he's home again. Every time he coughs, Levi can't help but wince, his brain making him wonder if it will be Eren's last coughing fit. As he watches Eren sleep every night with his oxygen mask over his face, he gets up to lock himself in the bathroom and cry for hours on end before finally crawling back into bed with his sleeping husband.

Eren's next _horrible_ coughing fit happens in the middle of a lovemaking session with Levi. Levi quickly stops what they're doing and grabs the trash can by their bed, holding it in front of Eren as Eren starts throwing up a mix of mucus and blood into it. And despite how many times Eren's told Levi he's perfectly fine, Levi knows he _isn't._

 

The hospital tells Levi that Eren's cystic fibrosis is getting progressively worse. They aren't even sure he'll reach thirty at the rate he's going.

"Can't you get him another transplant? Something? Anything!" Levi pleads.

"I'm sorry," the doctor responds, shaking his head. "Even if that was possible, which it isn't, it wouldn't do him any good. I'm sorry."

Despite the fact it's Eren's lungs that are failing, Levi's the one who feels like he can't breathe.

He gets all his crying out before entering the room again, taking Eren's hand once he sits on the bed. "Feeling okay?" he asks, kissing his fingers gently.

"I guess," Eren nods. Levi looks down at the white hospital bracelet around his wrist, reading EREN ACKERMAN in bold letters along with other information. Right next to the white band is Eren's half-heart bracelet. Levi lets himself smile at that. "Levi," Eren says, finally breaking the silence between them, "you do know that I know I'm going to die, right? You don't need to sneak around, walking on eggshells. I know."

"Eren..."

"No, it's okay. I've said it once, I'll say it again. I am going to die. I acknowledge this, I've accepted it a long time ago." Eren reaches up and cups Levi's face with a weak hand. "I have a request for you when that happens, though. Can you promise me you'll do it?"

"What?"

"You're the only person I've ever loved, Levi. You know that. I love you more than anything, and I know you love me too. But... Levi, when I die, you can't stay stuck on me forever. You're able to live for up to seventy fucking years after I leave this world, and I think that's awesome! You deserve to make the most of your life. It's precious, Levi. Time is so precious. Please don't ever take your life for granted." Eren pauses to cough for a minute but quickly continues. "You should move on, maybe even find someone new after me. I'd love that, really, I would. And I'm not afraid of death. Everyone dies, I just know I'm going to sooner. I'm just afraid of leaving you behind, alone. So please, please move on when the time comes, Levi. I love you, you deserve it. I promise, we'll meet again. Whether it be in heaven or another life or a new universe, I don't know. I just know I will see you again. So I'm not afraid of my death. I just want you to be happy." Tears are swelling up in his eyes, his beautiful sea-green eyes. Levi goes to kiss them all away.

"I love you," Levi whispers.

"I know. I love you too. This isn't the end yet. The end is soon, yes, but not now. There's no use in crying about something that hasn't happened yet, right?" Eren smiles and kisses Levi's nose. "Right now, I'm yours. That's all that matters, I'm yours."

 

Only three months later, Levi faces the end much sooner than he ever wanted. He goes against it head-on, watching as Eren grasps onto his last threads of life with desperation.

Eren's tan skin has turned a sickeningly pale color and he's lost so much weight in the past few months from being unable to eat. As he slips in and out of consciousness, Levi holds on tightly to his hand and gnaws his lip anxiously. _This is the end._

"Levi," Eren croaks out, doing his best to breathe in the oxygen going into his nostrils. "Levi, please remember what I told you. Everything."

"I do remember, I do." Levi grips Eren's hand tightly and he can see the battle inside Eren's body behind his eyes. He wants to tell Eren it's okay to let go, but he can't bring himself to do that. He wants Eren to _stay._

"I love you," Eren whispers. "I'll see you again one day. I love you so much. Thank you for taking care of me all this time."

Levi kisses Eren's lips as a desperate plea for him to stay alive, to not leave him behind, to please, please just stay longer. He presses their foreheads together and lets his tears fall onto Eren's skin. "I love you too," he finally responds. "I love you, I love you, _I love you."_

Eren doesn't get to hear the last "I love you." Levi's forehead is still pressed against his long after Eren takes his last breath.

 

"I love Eren more than I ever loved anyone. We sat in the same fourth grade classroom and became friends after I _very purposefully_ dropped my books on the ground."

Levi stands at the front of the church, gripping the podium until his knuckles turn white as he delivers Eren's eulogy. He doesn't cry. His voice doesn't waver at all. He merely keeps his eyes glued on his paper as he reads from it in his storytelling voice.

"Please take note that I say I _love_ Eren. I did not love him past-tense, I still do. Just because he is gone does not mean my love for him is.

"Eren and I were soulmates from the start. I'd like to think so, anyways. He's one of the few people who never made fun of me for my height. I know, I'm insanely tall, you don't need to point it out." He smirks a bit, hoping Eren finds that joke funny. "I stayed with him through everything. Every hospital stay, I was there. Every coughing fit he had during our marriage, I was there. Every silly thing he said in response to whatever TV show was playing at the moment, I was there. I was there through it all.

"He's my first and only kiss, my first and only lover, my first and only boyfriend, fiancé, husband. We're both each other's first everything.

"I could go on for ages about life stories with him. I could talk about the time he coughed so hard he spilled his coffee all over my college textbook which just turned into us laughing so hard we cried. I could talk about how amazingly beautiful he was on our wedding day and every day before and after that, no matter what his condition was. I could talk about how he told me he used to want to be a dancer, but kids made fun of him in second grade and his disease soon made that nearly impossible, but how he would still dance for me in private whenever he was physically able to. I could talk about so many things, but I'd be here for years just giving you my life story. Because honestly, I can't remember what life was like before Eren came into it. I can't.

"Instead, I'm going to talk about something a bit different. A few months before he passed away, Eren told me that it's okay for me to move on. He made me promise I wouldn't stay stuck on him forever. However, that promise is impossible for me to keep. I'm sorry, Eren. I can't forget you. I can't fall in love with someone else because it will never feel right. My arms were made to hold him in them. I'm okay with never falling in love again. I am, however, going to live my life to its fullest, whether that be through backpacking across Europe, helping kids in less fortunate areas, publishing a novel- whatever. I'll do it for him, in the name of his laugh. But I'll also do it for myself. Because if there's one thing Eren taught me, it's that life is precious. You can't take a single second of it for granted. And I'm not going to."

At that, Levi puts his paper back in his pocket and walks over to Eren's casket, half open to reveal his sleeping face. He knows this isn't the real Eren- the real Eren is laughing and smiling somewhere in the universe or afterlife or whathaveyou- but it's still a part of him.

Levi unclasps his bracelet and puts it in Eren's hand, kissing his forehead a final time before walking away.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahaha I'm sorry I can't stop crying
> 
> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


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